As divorce is truly a multi-dimensional process that involves many facets of your life, we recognize these four major areas. We strive to provide you with information on each area so that you can gain a broad understanding and then allow you to focus on the areas that are most important your family.
Children
Protecting your children from the emotional upheaval you are experiencing is important. Give a great deal of consideration as to how you and your spouse can work to minimize the impact of this transition on them. It is often our children that give us the biggest incentive in making the effort to go through a more respectful divorce process.
It has been documented that children often bear the scars of divorce, long after it is over. Make sure that you are not inflicting unnecessary pain and suffering on the innocent parties of this marriage breakdown. Keep in mind, especially with young children, that you will have many years ahead where you need to communicate effectively with your ex-spouse. Why not learn how to effectively communicate and deal with parenting issues now?
The foundation to a better parenting relationship, post divorce, is a Parenting Plan. This forms a part of the divorce documents and becomes the blueprint for how you and your ex-spouse will deal with the issues that you will encounter as your children grow up. Make an effort to ensure you put as much energy into your Parenting Plan as to the other aspects of the divorce.
There are several professionals that can assist you with your children and their transition through the divorce process.
Child Specialist
A child specialist can be a psychologist, a family therapist, or a mental health professional. The key is that this professional be proficient and experienced in assisting parents put together detailed parenting plans. Because a parenting plan covers all of the future issues you may face in raising your children, it is very detail oriented and specific to your family’s needs. A poorly written parenting plan, that omits important details, can potentially cause future heartache for not only you and your ex-spouse, but also your children.
The child specialist will:
- Bring the children’s voice into the process
- Assist the children to adjust to the changing family
- Work with both parents to develop a comprehensive parenting plan that focuses on the best interest of the child
- Bring forth the current developmental research related to separation and divorce
- Teach communication skills to ensure shared parenting success
- Ensure conflict resolution and future developmental adjustments are considered
Child Psychologist
A child psychologist’s role is often important for high conflict cases that may potentially go to court and where an assessment is necessary or when you have a special needs child and an assessment is needed to define a plan for behaviour, education, specialized strategies. The psychologist is generally more expensive and focuses more on specialized cases like high conflict and/or high need.
Psychoeducational Therapists
Family disharmony can lead to additional pressure on the children, affecting their relationships at school and their academic work. Psychoeducational therapists work with children that are having a difficult time in school to help them with tutoring and counseling.
If you have children with additional learning challenges such as Asbergers, ADD, ADHD, etc. look for specialized therapists that can provide the additional longer-term support that they may need.
Special Needs Children
Extra consideration needs to be given to special needs children. Seek out additional support groups and specialized associations that support families in your situation. Project special needs support that will be needed for the lifetime of the children so that it is included in the settlement negotiations.
Financial
The biggest fear facing many families going through divorce is the economic impact. If there is a primary wage earner in the family, the challenge is to transition so that both can enjoy a relatively comfortable lifestyle. Within certain jurisdictions, there are now guidelines that direct spousal and child support. This provides a framework within which to structure part of a settlement agreement.
There are several professionals that can assist you through the financial process. Depending on your family’s priorities, here are some professionals that you can choose to work with:
Divorce Financial Professionals
A divorce financial professional is generally a Chartered Financial Planner that specializes in divorce. This professional can work with you to assist in a few ways:
- Help you to prepare your financial statements for the court documents.
- Recognize notional costs of retirement assets, investments and real estate property.
- Assist you in understanding your financial options.
- Work with you to prepare a budget during and after the divorce process
- Analyze settlement options that you are considering, so that you better understand the long-term implications of a settlement option on your future financial well being.
- Work with you post-divorce to ensure you have a financial plan in place to ensure meeting your life’s goals of putting your children through college/university, and having a comfortable retirement.
Pension Valuators
If you or your spouse have a pension plan then it is a good idea to have it valued by an actuary. Pension valuators specialize in this process and can provide you with an accurate pension review so that you can include this when looking at settlement options.
Property Valuators
The majority of families work together to value their property assets themselves, without calling in appraisers or valuators. In cases where there is no agreement reached, it may be a good idea to hire an expert.
Depending on the scope of your property assets, you may want to call in a property valuator. Household goods, jewelry, collectibles, vintage cars, etc. may all form part of the settlement property. You will want to ensure fair market value on all of your property assets. In the case of collectibles, art, etc., you will want to call in specialized appraisers for the most accurate valuations.
Business Valuators
If there is a business involved in your marriage, that makes up part of the settlement property, then you will want to call in a certified business valuator. A CBV is an accountant specially qualified to value a business interest. The danger of not having a business accurately valued is that either party can question the valuation used later and reopen the divorce case. To ensure fairness, hire a qualified expert in this field.
Accountant
In high net worth divorce cases, you will want to be mindful of the tax consequences of the property settlement decisions made. You will want to look for the most tax efficient ways to divide the property involved. In this case, you may want to call in the professional services of a tax accountant.
Real Estate and Mortgage Professionals-
Your home is often one of the family’s most valuable assets. You will want to secure a qualified appraisal of the home and take into account real estate costs, should you decide to sell the home. The same goes for recreational and investment property. Ensure that you take into account notional costs on any property so that after tax valuations are included.
That same equity in your home can give you some additional flexibility in looking at ways to finance a settlement option. Consider speaking to a Mortgage broker to look at all options with your home equity and a mortgage.
Bankruptcy Trustees
Unfortunately, many families cannot ‘afford’ to divorce. If a family is burdened with debt and in a lower income bracket, the financial options are limited. If your family is in extreme debt you may consider speaking to a bankruptcy trustee. They can work with you to look at payment options or to file for bankruptcy.
Legal Framework
It seems to often be the first thing that many divorcing individuals think of- I need a lawyer.
Yet it is estimated more than a third of all family break-ups do not go through the legal process. Many family lawyers and judges would agree that the current family legal system is not working well. Using the same principals of proving ‘blame’ in the traditional non-family law system only seems to perpetuate the cycle of blame, which hinders each spouse from moving on.
What is not as well known is that each lawyer has a very unique style and preferred method of working a divorce file within the legal framework. A lawyer’s expertise is with the legal framework. The choice of a lawyer has a great bearing on how your case will proceed.
So, how do you know which lawyer is right for you? First familiarize yourself with the different negotiation models. When you and your spouse decide which model best suits your particular needs, then you can proceed to screen for a qualified lawyer to assist with your case.
Do I need a lawyer? If you and your spouse are on good speaking terms, you may not need a lawyer to draft your separation agreement, property settlement, or parenting plan. Yet many jurisdictions require independent legal advice before signing and finalizing any agreements. Having a good understanding of the legal system while drafting those documents helps you avoid putting a lot of time and energy into a document that goes counter to the family’s best interests and could be challenged legally.
It is always recommended that you look for a lawyer that specializes in family law. If you choose to work with a lawyer that works within a multitude of fields (real estate, wills & estate, commercial, intellectual property, personal injury, etc.), it may be that you are paying too much for not enough expertise in family law- which is what you need them for.
Finding a Family Law Specialist is the ideal. This lawyer only works within the family law spectrum and has attained special recognition for their advanced understanding of family law.
There are several different negotiation models within which to draft your legal documents and settle your divorce. Take your time in reviewing the following major models and determine which option would work best for your family.
Emotional
The separation and divorce process can be an emotional roller coaster. Understanding and recognizing the normal emotional transitions within this process may help you to identify where you, or your partner, are at any given time. This is important in knowing when to step back and not push to have a decision made. Depending on where your emotional state is, it may be better to pause and work on getting your emotional state in line before proceeding.
Emotional support can come in many forms. Family, friends, church and community support groups can assist us on a day to day basis. But, if you find that it is not enough in moving you through the emotional transition, then you should consider hiring a psychologist, therapist or divorce coach. These professionals are trained in their field and can assist you in gaining better perspective of your situation.
A professional provides an unbiased perspective that you do not generally get from family and friends. This unbiased skilled individual can expedite the process where well meaning friends and family can feed the negativity such as blame, anger, etc. that keeps separating and divorcing spouses stuck in conflict.
The challenge for many of us going through divorce is that it is easy to blame the other party. But, we each have a role to play in our relationships and it takes two. Work past the blame so that you can move on to a happier life and not make the same mistakes again.
Here are some of the emotional support professionals to call on:
Psychologist
If you are experiencing chronic emotional or psychological trauma you may want to work with a psychologist. They are experts in their particular field and have their doctorate in psychology. They are able to give you an assessment and direct you on a recommended plan of recovery. Look for someone that has the expertise in the area where you need it.
Psychiatrist
If you have a mental illness and you need a diagnoses with medication recommendations you would seek out the expertise of a psychiatrist.
Family or Marriage Therapist
Therapists work with you to cope and to transition through the emotional stages of the divorce process. They have tools to help you work on particular emotional hurdles you are facing and assist you to go forward.
This field is somewhat unregulated. Look to find a therapist with their master’s degree or a minimum of their bachelor’s degree. Although a degree does not guarantee a compassionate personality that is attuned to your issues, they will generally have a better understanding of the tools available to help you work through your issues more efficiently.
Divorce Coach
This is a somewhat new field where mental health professionals are becoming qualified to coach you through your divorce. During the divorce process they do not use therapy to assist you, but rather coach you through the process to maintain an attitude of respect and cooperation. The divorce coach is used in the Collaborative Team Practice model.
